Island Bound

I got my e-mail yesterday. There were two days of spiked anticipation (Monday, orange; Tuesday, neon brown). They were an odd couple of days.

I knew when leaving school that I would know one way or another upon returning home. In the best interest for my safety, I vowed I wouldn't try to check my e-mail on my phone while driving. This was broken about five minutes after hitting Roosevelt Road. But (much to my chagrin), my internet service was denied.

I checked and checked. At one point, I tried to maneuver my laptop (really bad idea on the Kennedy onramp), but it (as par for the course) was not working.

Then my internet service returned. And I saw it! Good ole Austin Guilickson sent me an e-mail informing me that he was informing me of something life altering. I didn't have the balls to open it on the highway.

I was listening to The Wipers album Over the Edge which is fucking awesome. I can't get enough of it, and I now realize why J Mascis always wears their t-shirts while performing. "Doom Town" is my favorite.

So, I got inside, cracked open a beer, went to the bathroom, sat on my steps outside, and read the e-mail on my phone. The first word was "Congratulations!" Then they proceeded to tell me I was short-listed (which is good news; it means that I got in). My sister (sister serendipity) texted me while I was reading it, shaking, and tearing up a bit. I called her awkwardly, and I let her know that I would probably be leaving semi-permanently in about three and a half months. I need to talk it over with her first, though. I need someone to ground me. I'm a real live wire.

I saw Adventureland with Kara last night. It was good, but my mind was preoccupied. I need to see it again. Some major changes from the script that I read over a year ago--and I can't figure out why they released it now. It would have been a major sensation over the summer. But, regardless, everyone should see it. I'll write more about it later.

And I didn't go to school today. I just couldn't. It's like something has been lifted off my shoulders and then about eight seconds later, dropped back on from a further height. I've got to let all this sink in.

It's hard to continue the motions that have become systematic. Conversations, teaching, guitar classes, sleep. Things that mattered to me yesterday don't matter as much. I've got to get my shit together in a major way and a lot of the drivel not only shouldn't matter, but it truly and abso-fucking-lutely doesn't matter. Most of these things involve people that are no longer necessary to think one cent about.

When I got accepted to France, I wanted to celebrate and become the center of everyone's attention. I'm holding back telling anyone about Japan. There keeps looming this thought that this is going to be the biggest mistake of my life. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

"I'm island bound with a mote inside my eye
And I can't see you breathing as before
I am airless a vacuum child
And I can't stand to reason at your door"

"Mote" Sonic Youth