I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore

I went to a party last summer--it was a hot mess of a party. It was right around Easter. People had had enough of salvation and were sincerely hateful to one another. I loved it because it took the awkwardness of my shoulders and I could enjoy the shit show.

Features included a drunken Bethany running a shop that was not under her thumb for once. Defiant people that couldn't listen to someone drunker and less rational than their idiotic voices. Jamie getting baptized in the shower. Spilt wine. Dance moves. Too loud for rich people in a rich palace.

My favorite moment was when I had enough of Jamie's idiotic gestures and protested. I protested the only way I knew how. He kept sliding his beer across the table to me, as though we were in a bar in a western film. I kept sliding it back, irritated the whole time. Finally, I told him to stop. He kept it up. I allowed the beer to fall onto the ground--everyone yelled at him while he looked dumbfounded at me and asked how it could possibly be his fault.

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."

Then we went to the sky deck. In my memory, the top of the building was 30 some stories above the ground. Dumb ass Jon got on top of the lip, drunkenly. I got real squeamish. He began screaming the line from Network, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." His sychophantic pseudo-girlfriend Jennifer followed suit. I saw them falling off the ledge to their death. I wanted to get up there and yell at the whole of Chicago at the top of my lungs, but I was resigned to beg them off the ledge, like the big pussy I am. I was truly concerned for their lives and didn't want to watch a tragedy unfold.

It was like a time when I was intoxicated right after high school and this kid I really didn't like much (but had been friends with when we were about eight years old), also intoxicated, walked out onto the frozen ice of Lake Ellyn. I saw him, in my intoxicated state, fall into the frozen waters. He didn't, but I had the vision, so I begged him back to safe land. Literally fucking begged the fucker. He did it, and everyone looked at me strangely.

It's weird being fucked up, watching moments of potential tragedy nearly strike, and fucking begging idiocy to avoid dire consequence. God, I should just let it unfold. People need to let off steam. And if once in a while a coked out teenager falls out of a tree while trying to throw a bloody dummy onto a car, so let it be. How else can one express a healthy sense of rage?