Stars and Checks

I came to Japan prepared for frustration; after reading thousands of message board entries, I felt like I knew what I was getting myself into. My mind told me that I'm someone that can handle belittling situations well. I can slough off annoyances. I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I'm much more of a touchy bastard than I thought I was.

It's tough to tell, though. I'm sure a third party would suggest that I'm battling something slightly more heavy that the typical ALT. This makes me feel like I'm being egotistical, though.

It's hard for me to believe that I was a (sort of) head of a department at a high school last year, and now, I presently have this job.

I recently read a post on the popular message board for JETs that said, "a good teacher in the States is not necessarily a good teacher in Japan," and it's very true. I'm not very good at my job here.

I felt like I was crawling out of my skin today. I arrived to work "genki" and was determined to have a positive and productive day. It all went downhill, though, soon after speaking to Domon-sensei about the lesson we were doing. It was a more important lesson than the typical because other teachers were invited to sit in and observe. I was asked to prepare a lesson similar to one I did before. I prepared it, and Domon-sensei had me change it quite a bit. Really dumb it down. She basically just wanted the students to copy down sentences (though pretending they were coming up with them on their own) that they had memorized. I didn't let it get to me, as I have vowed not to try to put my stamp on Japanese education. I made the changes and made the copies for the class. Somehow, I missed the best part of her comments, though.

I told the students to put stars above the words that they used from the list I created. She told me that stars would take too long, and that I should use checks. I illustrated that a star took about .4 seconds to make, and I asked her how Japanese people make stars. She showed me. Albeit, she did it a bit deliberately, it took very little time. Ok, checks it was.

She gave me basically a script to follow for the class. Then she told me where I should stand. I have been standing in the back of the class when she does her solo teaching. She wants me in the front. This is because she'll ask me to affirm her points. "Michael, is this correct?" "Yes, Domon-sensei." I do this about twenty times through the lesson, rarely saying much else except for reading from the textbook.

Part of me was happy with this role. It's so far removed from the many frustrations that almost set me over the edge last year. I was content with my menial job and didn't really crave much more. Today just felt insulting, though.

I wondered when I got home from work what sort of teacher I would be when I returned to full time America-ville high school. It's tough to say. I'm getting soft and lazy in this role. I'm stepping away from responsibilities and directing myself to doing my own thing. Many of my vows (to talk to staff, be a beacon for the students, fake my genki every day) are just going by the wayside, and I don't care too much.

It's hard to imagine doing this job many years in a row because I'm worried it'll put me in worse habits than I was in before I left. I need to be aggressive towards work, not shy away from it. At least I have four schools. If I were just at Odate High School every day, I'd snap and beg to do my own lessons. There's enough of a mix up that things are at least unpredictable.

The funniest part of it was the principal was watching the lesson, and he pointed out to Domon-sensei that I told the students to use checks in front of the class and had stars written down on the paper. She made an "oops" face. I know this probably looked like my mistake, but I was happy to at least burst the perfect facade just a little bit.