Jesus Christ

I've had some thought involving Jesus today:

1. In the Dinosaur Jr. version of the Flying Burrito Brothers classic song, "Hot Burrito #2", J Mascis sings "Not tonight" rather than the original lyric, "Jesus Christ". Does he refuse to use the lord's name in vain? That would be fantastic if he did. How could a man so fucking hardcore feel self conscious of sin. It makes perfect sense with his frail touch. I get the feeling his thoughts are just a clusterfuck of stubbornness, confusion, and wonderment.

2. Why is the idea of Jesus so funny to me? I guess it's like any old overused symbol in our culture, but its overuse is ironic. The picture I have on my wall of Jesus playing soccer (that I bought on a religious retreat for my school on a lark) is the most hilarious thing that reminds me constantly of how idiotic this world is. Soccer Jesus. God, who came up with that one?

I don't find sacrilege in the comedy of it. In fact, I guess I don't find sacrilege in anything considering my agnosticism. I read an article in the Chicago Reader (oh, god, how I miss thee already!) about David Bazan (from Pedro the Lion) and how he has created a new album that is fucking with the minds of all his faithful Christian followers. He has totally denounced his once loose faith, and the people that loved his questioning nature are wondering if he's gone for good. They defend him to the end, believing that doubt is the strongest aspect of real faith. I love Bazan for doing what he's doing and preaching a whole new form of gospel--the gospel of refuge.

3. I went to Aomori last weekend and was told that Jesus' grave lives there. Supposedly, (a la Elvis) Jesus' twin (who knew nothing about sin?) who happened to be Japanese, took Jesus' place on the crucifixion. Then the real Jesus retreated to Aomori, Japan and lived and died there. His grave is present. Of course, this is my #1 mission to see in Japan. I'm grateful for my fucked up placement simply for this fact. It's the most absurd story I've ever heard.

4. I've often wondered if I'm more lonely when I'm alone in my apartment or when I'm alone in a crowded bar by myself. I've done both plenty. In fact, I sort of miss my first few years in Chicago when I was friendless and desperate. I used to go out by myself, get fucked up, and sit alone, trying to make the time pass quickly. Wondering, waiting for someone to talk to me. The second is most certainly more lonely.

This idea makes me wonder if a religious person feels more alone when let down by God than I would feel when I faced disaster. "Everything happens for a reason". "It's God's will". Yes, of course, but that feeling of isolation from the omnipresent force will never hit me. Even when death strikes, when illness hits. Cancer. Typhoon. Blood blister. I will never question my faith because it isn't there.

5. I was very hot today. Like living in a fishbowl that had become a swamp. It was no 40 days and 40 nights, though. I came home and decided that it was time to stop (already!) roughing it. I turned on my air conditioner. God bless Jesus for doing so much without a proper AC.

*****

I'm listening to a favorite old song. "Golden" by My Morning Jacket. God, you should be listening to it, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQipaq8wI_o&feature=related

"People have often told me

That bars are dark and lonely

And talk is always cheap

And filled with air

Sure sometimes they thrill me

But nothing could ever chill me

Like the way they make the time

Just disappear"

A perfect summation of how I'm feeling tonight.

I wrote a poem that could easily be about Jesus if I had changed a few of the words. Maybe a project for me, though, I don't really have much of a desire to write poetry about Jesus (honestly).

I'm very grateful for my lovely lovely muse! It was an unexpected treat to have here in Odate from so far away. Here's a Cullinane original. I guess the clean Odate air is actually clearing up my synapses and making this sort of thing happen again.

The Cement Canoe

I’ve heard you sing
Your siren song
Float on float on float on
Tired and dead
I wrote hieroglyphic-wise
In the deep deserted tide

“Good people sink”

With a blink erased
Reformed erased
Chaste sunlight blinding
A mirage of lies
Rebirth in tide and time

Fourth baptism—dunked
Drunk—drowned
I wake up to realize
Sunrise sunset
Deep deserted tide
To arise the last

I built this cement canoe
Dreamed big enough for two
Dreamed reincarnation
Dreamed formation lies
Wasted action
Wasted memory
Wasted time
Wasted tide

Nothing too great, but a start. I went to Kogyo High School today and had a really nice time. It was great to actually feel welcome in a new school. It was the fourth and last that I will be teaching.

The principal was thoughtful and philosophical. I was appreciative of him letting his guard down to welcome me. He asked me many questions about the differences of our cultures (with the help of Domon-sensei to translate). It was an inspired moment. He showed me his calligraphy (a new interest of mine) and explained what it meant to him. I misunderstood, but eventually was able to gather what he meant by it.

Inside, the school is a technical school designed for students that will be very "hands on" in their lives. They don't have any interest in learning English which makes me all the more happy to be teaching them. I'm very excited to teach at this school--more so than the others--because I am unwanted. It makes me feel at home. They have very little desire to use me beyond the necessity, but for some odd reason, I wish I could spend most of my time there.

In one room (many rooms were designed like "shop class" in American high schools) the students built cement canoes. God, what an image. I couldn't take my eyes off of them and immediately vowed to write a poem about them. Absurdity finally hit. A cement canoe. What a project to tell young people to make. They were truly fantastic, and I'll eventually take a photo of it and share it with everyone.

Yeah, this trip is like floating down a river in a cement canoe. The image just works so perfectly in my mind. Up a shit creek in a cement canoe without a paddle.