Descendents: Milo Goes to College

I bought this album when I was in college. One of many punk albums that I wish I had before college - I guess really the most because of the title and the feeling of departure and change. Milo screams, "I'm just a square ( squaaah-hair) going nowhere. "This lyric encapsulates the feeling I had in that summer before heading off to Miami University (as I'm sure it did for many going to their respective Universities or day jobs), And it's one that I haven 't quite shaken off. I guess most importantly is the fact that it's screamed with an urgency that lends itself to a sense of hope. This album is dark, but so goofy, fast, layered, and combative that it's hard to take as anything but positive. I feel accepted for my nonacceptance listening to this gem.



Track Listing:

1. Myage
2. I Wanna be a Bear
3. I'm not a Loser
4. Parents
5. Tony Age
6. M-16
7. I'm not a Punk
8. Catalina
9. Suburban Home
10. Statue of Liberty
11. Kabuki Girl
12. Marriage
13. Hope
14. Bikeage
15. Jean is Dead

I often wonder how classic punk albums would have been redone and rethought had the punk band making the album known that it would be considered a classic of the genre twenty / thirty years after its release. This one especially. It's so spotty, and no matter how many times I listen to "Parents", I "m still going to consider it a shit-song. But in many ways, it's a better album for being spotty. It's true to the nature of teen angst - it's ugly, poorly thought out, and sloppy. The moments of brilliance need to juxtapose the moments that would have been better left on the cutting room floor.

That being said, I'm going to focus on the brilliant moments of the record and leave the rest for the dogs. It's not a perfect album, but the terrible moments make it all the more sincere.

"Every night, it's all the same, she's just a-fuckin 'with my brain."

"Myage" is one of my favorite opening tracks. It gives the album the speed and urgency that carry it throughout. It's about a girl. She's driving Milo crazy. I've felt this way (as I'm sure every male has felt this way) as far back as the third grade. I love the fact that the punk persona keeps this spot soft.

There's a song called "Maggie" by The Exploited - one of the hardest and most violent punk bands of all time - sings "Maggie, you fucking cunt" over and over again. Even he's not immune. "Myage" is also an aggressive take on unrequited love, but it has an honest, reflective take on it. It peels out with a magical bass line and Bill Stevenson's drums propel each verse to another level. The man is a monster and this is his brightest moment in their career.

Milo's words are perfect. Delivery also. It's never less than a gut-wrenching scream. The opening line, "Almost ready, almost there, or is it already over?" And the final line, "She don't need no one, she don't need me, "sum up 90% of my relationships with women.

It's great how "Myage" turns into "I Wanna be a Bear". Though the band has a conscience, they don't mind being frequently misogynistic ( "you'll get old and have a wrinkled ass"). The lyrics are almost indecipherable, and this is probably a good thing. "I don't wanna smell your muff" ends the song at a decadent 42 seconds.

"I'm not a Loser" was my favorite song when I first bought the album. I loved its anger and opening riff. Now, I find it almost unlistenable. The Descendents are straight edge and use songs like this to vent their frustration towards the populous that drink, do drugs, screw, and make fun of people that look different from them. I've changed too much to feel comfortable listening to a song like this. It had its glorious moment in time, though.

Thinking back, there were many days and nights that I annoyed my housemates in college with this song. It did its job for me as I'm sure it did for many a college student since its release in the 80s.

The album sort of lags at this point, but really picks up steam with "I'm not a Punk". I love this song because The Descendents were one of the first bands to be angry with their nonacceptance in the punk community. Punk rock was their escape from everything they hated, yet the community they were a part of was in many ways just as bad. It's not really what the song is about (a little bit), but it's something I've had follow me around for the better part of my life. The hippies were as selfish as the greedy ones they scorned. The punks were as self-promoting and image driven as the preppy assholes. "I'm just a square going nowhere" is a purely punk sentiment. It's an anthem for those that are anthemless.

Perfection is once again achieved on "Catalina". Milo likes to fish, and he uses this as a metaphor for getting away from it all. It's so great that he cites the Beatles and the Doors as his music of release also. It just wouldn't have the same effect if he said he turned on his Black Flag tapes. Sometimes it takes the classics to get you out of my head.

"Suburban Home" represents such a moment in time for me. I was living in the suburbs after college, my father had given me his top of the line Mitsubishi Montero SUV, and I was fucking miserable. I was living like a privileged loser - -working at a Catholic High School, trying to find an outlet for my post college anger and idealism. I bought this album on vinyl before I later owned it on CD. This is the first song on Side Two, and I played the fuck out of it. It's poppy and danceable; the words are ironic and simple. It reaches punk perfection without even trying.

I can't really separate this song from my experiences with it. I guess that's the nature of the best songs. Eventually, they aren't music anymore, they're the whole of every moment in time they were enjoyed.

I remember playing this song on full blast, driving around Columbus with a drunken Chrispy feeling like something had to explode. It reminds me of my trips to Columbus post-college - often inspired and brilliant, but often leaving me empty. So much hope with results that left something to be desired.

I've since revoked the idea of the suburban home, so I can listen to the song and appreciates its irony without feeling that it was ironic that I liked it. God, that was a mouthful.

I bought a Descendents sticker for the Montero when I was living in the suburbs. It was a weak attempt to punkify my privileged state. It failed and looked ridiculous, but I'm glad I did it. When the beast fell into a sinkhole, I recognized it on the news because of the Descendents sticker. The band went down with the ship and the idea of ever living in the suburbs again.

Anyway, the next three songs are pretty spotty. "Kabuki Girl" is a great track. Not much to say about it, but I love the line, "Don't say sayonara, I wanna see you tomorrah!" I've been frustrated with the level which the gaijins fetishize Asian women, and Milo is doing it here, but it's the 80s and he can get away with it.

The sequence of the last three songs, god, what can I say about it? It rivals Abbey Road. Of course, Abbey Road's final push is considered brilliant and groundbreaking. Milo Goes to College achieves this as well, but it feels like they weren't really trying for it. This is my favorite three song run in my whole catalog of music.

There's a story here; it flows. The girl leaves him in "Hope". She's ruining her life in "Bikeage". She's gone and offed herself in "Jean is Dead".

I've always been unsure of how I should listen to these three songs. I like them as a unified story, but I also like them as three unrelated rants.

"Hope" is musical perfection. It is a flawless anthem for unrequited love. She left him for another, but he's still thinking that he's going to get her back once she finds out what he's really like. Milo takes his voice down a notch in this one and actually sings.

It's hard to tell if Milo is being self-aware with his lyrics - like he's sort of making fun of himself for being hopeful even though it's rather pathetic. I hope it's pure and direct, though. I hope he hoped purely with these words (and his vocal delivery is so fucking sincere!) without trying to be witty.

Many Descendents songs relate the frustrations of the "nice guy" that is better friends with girls than lovers. This one hits the nail on the head. There's pure "hope" in every element of this song, and it's totally unrelenting.

"Bikeage" is my favorite Descendents song - really, one of my favorite songs of all time. I feel like the girl from "Hope" has hit a downward spiral, and Milo is doing his best to ignore it. I've never had a "Bikeage" girl in my life (mostly because I'm usually the one sitting there with the mouthful of beer), but I can only imagine what it feels like.

The opening guitar riff is so blessed. I always requested this song at Delilah's on Punk Rock Mondays when I first moved to Chicago. I had many a good sing-a-long with strange girls that I met. It seems like everyone likes this song .

The album ends with "Jean is Dead". It's really fucking dark. I almost take my sentiment back that this is a bright and hopeful album despite it's dark nature. Taking it track by track, it's hard to not feel like a piece of shit at the end of the album.

I've never had a friend commit suicide (I have to assume that this is what the song is about) - thank god. If I imagined the feeling, though, I'd have to say this song captures it. "Jean" --male/female, we're not sure, is dead. Just fucking dead. There's no real analysis here. Some typical suicide sentiments ( "Should have told me, should have known"), but also some purely empty reflections. " Wake up early, mad at you, go to school, where were you? "hits hard." Your mother told me last night on the phone. "It's a perfect song that is really fucking sad.

Oddly, I've always sort of wished that "Jean is Dead" could have just been about how the girl from the previous two songs was finished and out of his life. Some sort of redemption. It ends on a really dour note and goes nowhere. There's not much more to say about it.

God, the Descendents. Thank god for the Descendents. I'm not someone that says things like, "Punk rock saved my life," but this album surely made things more interesting. Fun. Yeah, fun and interesting. I sort of look back at my early 20s and cringe that I drove around with a Descendents sticker on my daddy's SUV. I don't know that anything could as easily encapsulate the person I am, though. Awkward as fuck. This album's the same way.